Claustrophobia and Ciggarettes

Linds, I have this place inside me that feels so claustrophobic. I feel like I live life so safe. I live so afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing, of making sure that I don't overly expose myself. Someone might see something that they don't like. I want to be done with that part of my life. How does the gap between who I perceive myself to be and who I really am get overcome?

So, I did something silly. It's late and I am alone with this yearning, aching claustrophobia. I wanted to experience something I have never done. So I went and bought cigarettes and smoked while my music was blasting in my car. It's silly. It was just something that I never would have done before. It's so little and it didn't solve anything in my soul but it felt good.:) Cloves smell really good by the way.:)