Oh! Have I got answers.

How is my soul?
I was thinking about this the other day. I think it is good to check in with it every once in awhile. It feels untouched, unexplored. Yes, it feels lonely. It is also resilient. It has times of pure goodness. It is restless, hoping, waiting. It's just this thing that hangs on me. This question that perhaps I could be more alive.

How have I seen God at work in and through me?
I can see Him. It's intangible though. Purely built on my belief that He exist. That He is guiding me. That we are headed toward something. Honesty seems to be a theme. Honesty with myself, others. Freedom too. Freedom from trying to be anything that I'm not. I think He is birthing a dream in me. Showing me how to live free from having to look in other peoples faces for validation. I am the only one who knows what is really inside of me. How will anyone else know if I do not show them? I am coming to know my own mind. That is all about in me. Through me? Hmmm. That's harder. What does that mean anyways? I know God does it but this part frustrates me. Will it not just come as I live? Will I even be aware of it?

What am I struggling with?
At the moment my mom is here. For some reason when she is here my weaknesses become very apparent to me. It just feels like my childhood haunting me again. She says that she doesn't want to change me but it sure doesn't feel that way. Growing up what I wasn't was so apparent to me that I don't think I knew who I was. Who I am not is casting a shadow now.

I am struggling with this inconsistency of what I wish I was and what I am. I thought that following Jesus was costly. If it is then why is my life so cushy?

What am I grateful for?
I am glad that pain is not without purpose. I am so thankful for how I have been taken care of over the past year. Places to live, job food. It seems that I am always in the place that is purposed for the moment. All of the places that I have lived are pushing me along in my journey. They are wonderful settings!:) Ohhhh. I got a bike today. I am very excited. I am thankful for the people that I work with they are wonderful. I am thankful for good weather. I am thankful for a trip to cali to look forward to. Mmmm I can't wait.

What God-given dream are you nurturing?
Oh man! We are back to this again. Hands down it's got to be music. I don't really know what that means but it's just not letting me go. I don't think I am nurturing it though. It lies dormant for awhile then comes back and makes a big racket to get my attention. I can only say that it's this song inside of me that has to come out. I don't know how to nurture it though. I know it's there. I am convinced.

Thank you for listening. I really needed to do this.

An ending thought. You told me that you loved me when we got off the phone the other night. My "I love you too" felt haltered and quick. Partly because I want it to be sincere. It is. The other part is that I find it so hard to truly believe that I am loved. I don't think I ever really believe it when it is said. I think it is a hint of what is to come in the next chapter. I think the chapter is called Oconomowoc Wisconsin or Quaint Lessons in Real Life with Linds or Girl in Tandem....

I love you.:)